Thursday, September 28, 2006

Hostile Hoors Krakow Part 3

After a pleasant stroll through Krakow, I decided to repair to the hotel bar for a nightcap. The hotel's website states 'Friendly, and professional staff will ensure that your stay in Krakow is pleasant and memorable', in fairness the truly remarkable assortment of hoors seated around the bar will live on in my memory even if with one or two notable exceptions they were hardly friendly, to me at any rate.

Imagine your Clairwil strolling into the bar, ordering a big beer, a poke of peanuts and as there were no other seats placing myself at the bar. I struck up a conversation with a Finnish gentleman seated to my right, pleasant enough fellow with a huge moustache. Almost at once I sensed I was the subject of comment from the left of the bar, sure enough a short, fat hoor who I shall refer to as 'Roots' was giving me the finger, egged on by 'Pencil under a wig' and 'Tits of a Goddess'. I am not accustomed to hostility from hoors in fact on the occasions our paths have crossed we have always enjoyed cordial relations.

Eventually Roots waddled over, spilling out her lime green suit and began bawling at me in Polish. It was a tense moment, fight or flight? What to do? I was abroad, an ambassador for Scotland. One wrong move and our international image would lie in tatters. There was only one thing for it, I hopped off my stool and bellowed at Roots something along the lines of this ' I am a Scot, a Glaswegian at that and we move for no-one. No tuppence ha'penny hoor fucks with me, You need your roots done, I need a box, so c'mon outside.' Poor Roots was baffled and returned to her seat. She sent the barman over to question me and having established that I was in fact a harmless tourist and not a new hoor in town, I was left alone.

The Finnish gent was very impressed with my ability to talk a good fight and bought me a drink. That was a good drink more than I should have had. I left the bar, got round the corner, tripped and skint my knee to buggery. The next day I walked for miles down a salt mine, sore knee and all......